To be on your own

WALKING along these quiet streets in the suburds of Paris (north east), passing by the field in which you can hear grasshoppers singing despite the earphones playing instrumental Russian song, were a mix of WHAT I needed, to think AND to empty my thoughts.

Please, let me be alone for a little longer... 

Tonight was weird and unsual, indeed. I admit that I was unhappy, sad, nearly disgusted with myself after spending a whole afternoon feeling like sh*t. I had a very slow walk back home (to my parents'). I usually walk as fast as I can to get home, not because of the heat/cold or anything, it's because I cannot wait to get to see my family again. I wonder why sometimes I get so easily angry at insignificant things, because that leeds us to get confused and say things we don't mean that hurt people we care about. It makes me feel sad that this feeling keeps happening since I got back from holiday.

Few hours have passed now, and I feel better... I played with my little princess Mélissa (one of my little sisters), had a small talk with my dad and of course, my sunshine called to calm me down. I sort of cried. I sheded tears for several reasons. Too many thoughts over Words of wisdom. I am so thankful to have him. 

Oh, another thing helped: I stopped on this picture as I still feel nostalgic about the holiday in England (it's been 6 days already). I stopped on this one because it has the power to take away thoughts that hurt me. It's a simple and natural photograph, I named it... (read caption)

Free your mind.

Marriage Talk

A few days back, a very good friend of mine (Lisa) and I had a conversation about marriage. Well, she was actually the one who brought that subject up. According to the Oxford Dictionnaries, the term marriage means: The legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman (or, in some jurisdictions, two people of the same sex) as partners in a relationship.And the state of being married.

I am not quite sure what to think about marriage, and I am pretty sure that many of my peers feel the same way (nowadays!). I do think that marriage has different meanings depending on cultures, ages, life experiences... I told my friend this: I can't talk about marriage right now, and I don't want to! Not even imagine it. I mean, we can still consider ourselves as being young, can't we? We are both 24. She is dating someone, I am dating someone for a while now. Of course, there will be a time when I would like to build a family: children and husband. That time is just not now, nor in a near future. She told me that she had a talk about this subject with her boyfriend, and all that drew my attention was a particular year: 2018.

Things can change, so let's see in the future if my POV changes.

I was told that getting married is THE girl's dream. I think things have changed... I remember when I was a little girl I thought I would:
- get married at the age of 23 the latest
- have my first child at the age of 25/26 the latest.
The other day I was thinking: but damn, I'm already 24 and I'm getting there [25 y.o]. I don't want kids before getting a job, a house and all that!  My mother gave birth to my big bro at the age of 27 (and me at 29). I think this is fairly a good age for one's first child. Getting marrried could be a specific dream of a girl, it's just not one of mine. To my opinion, thinking you want to spend the rest of your life with someone special is enough (and beautiful)... You don't necessarily need to have a ring around your finger to show it.

I am still looking for myself, searching for new goals and exciting adventures such as creating my own language school after having taught many different people /places and understanding what it implies to run a school, travelling the world with the man who makes me laugh and feel loved and many other things I would like to do before settle down in one specific place (where?).

What I mean is that getting married for me would be a huge step. But at the same time, from what I have seen, a happy marriage can also end. Being married to someone does not necessarily mean being in love, and faithful until the end. Marriage is not only about love. Being in a relationship or a marriage for years and years, I think, attachment plays a prominent role, it is the key of what makes it work. No matter what, when, where, you always feel attached to that special person who makes your heart beat.

What I really want right now? Moving to Spain with my man and teach French/English in different schools.

Needs for change

PEOPLE smile to you. Mostly when you're by yourself strolling in a pleasant sunny day. People living by the sea and in the countryside tend to be more friendly and smiling because they have not as much  pressure or stress. I noticed that, at least. I guess it's mainly because of the fact that they leave in a place where they are not as much going on (mostly ageing population). Leaving this place I have spent over ten days makes me realise it because I am nervous about getting back to my routine life which implies studying, working (as I should) and mostly: doing nothing interesting.

Looking for the unknown.

I have found myself being really envious of a younger girl than I, who is soon-to-be journalist. I envy her not because she wants to be a journalist but for having so much ambition (and talent in writing, I have to say). I mean, I have rarely read in my life. It often takes me ages to finish reading a book. I write nothing stylish nor poetic. I wish I could change and be someone who is passionate about reading plenty of books a week, history and all that. I mean I have loads of time to do all that but somehow it's just not in me YET (there is hope)...

What you want differs from what you need.

I did some reading this afternoon, that's the good news.

Guidance.

ONE always needs guidance to make their dreams come true. But what if, what if you do not know whether you have any dreams or not? Some say a dream is hard to find: you are lucky if you have one, extremely lucky if you have many... 

ONE always needs guidance to make their dreams come true. But what if, what if you do not know whether you have any dreams or not? Some say a dream is hard to find: you are lucky if you have one, extremely lucky if you have many...

Une phrase d'un livre qui parle

We are never alone.

"C'était une tendresse raisonnable, ne songeant pas aux vilaines choses, parcequ'il vaut encore mieux garder la tranquillité, quand on peut s'arranger pour être heureux, tout en restant tranquille."

L'Assommoir (p.218/219), Emile Zola.

(Can this be called an introduction?) Introduction.

AFTER a walk in the wide streets of Paris, protesting to be precise, I decided to walk most way back then taking the bike for a ride back. It started to rain a little. It was pouring down when I put the key in the keyhole to get inside the flat.

Step in my world.

Right at this present moment, I am sitting on my sofa bed, drinking a hot chocolate that was made with kindness and love. I am not alone. Nor physically nor spiritually, but I am surronded by thoughts. They are unseen, and unknown. Flying through my mind, in and out. The good side is that I have no time to meet boredom, but the down side is that I do not have a clue where they are coming from...